We Will All go, Young And Old: Lessons for our Children in a Time of COVID
Twitter replies remind me that anger over the pandemic, and lack of respect for our elders, is causing some to miss the most valuable lessons they can teach their children.
At the outset of this week’s Torah option of Bo, we read as God instructs Moshe and Aaron to return to Pharaoh. Seven plagues have already ravaged the Egyptians. They are instructed to say, “Let My people go” or a new plague of locusts will descend on Egypt furthering her suffering. Pharaoh’s advisors convince him to accede to God’s demands or Egypt will be destroyed. Pharaoh reluctantly agrees, and asks who will be going out. Moshe replies, “We will all go, young and old; we will go with our sons and daughters.” Pharaoh replies that only the men can go, and they are ushered away. You know the rest of the story. God was not going to just let the rest of the Jewish people languish in Egypt.
This Starts With a Twitter Stream
I was reminded of this passage this week on Twitter, when pointing out that parents need to be cautious because children can spread COVID to others including elderly people. I was told by one of the many angry response that I received, "it's not incumbent on a 5 year old to protect a grown adult - ever". There is so much to unpack here.
Judaism and other ancient cultures place great value on honoring older people. In Judaism we call this "kibud zakeinim". The obligation is Biblical (Lev. 19:32), "You shall rise before the aged and show deference to the old; you shall fear your God: I am HaShem."
The sages explain that we honor the elderly because they are a source of wisdom and they sacrificed so much so that we could simply exist. Everything we have we really “owe” to their efforts. It’s not about their specific knowledge of Torah or wealth. And what about those who have lost their memories? We still honor them!
The Talmud teaches in Berachot, “…And be careful to continue to respect an elder who has forgotten his Torah knowledge due to circumstances beyond his control. Even though he is no longer a Torah scholar, he must still be respected for the Torah that he once possessed. As we say: Both the tablets of the Covenant and the broken tablets are placed in the Ark of the Covenant in the Temple. Even though the first tablets were broken, their sanctity obligates one not to treat them with contempt. An elder who forgot the Torah knowledge he once possessed is likened to these broken tablets.”
There is more in Rambam and Shulchan Aruch, our most important books of Jewish law and conduct, and Chassidic and Mussar about honoring our elders. It’s not just about scholarly wisdom — our elders have the wisdom of life experience.
So it’s so painful for me to realize how far we have fallen from our obligations to our elders. As this Tweet above I received which gained many “likes” portrays, in place of honoring our elders —we resent them. In place of caring for our elders — we neglect them. Which is contrary to everything Judaism and other cultures teach.
Our society values youth and YOLO, over wisdom and wrinkles.
We all read about what many elderly Americans face every day: trouble accessing services bc they don't do apps and the internet, abuse and neglect, poverty, difficulties getting services from medicaid and medicare...the list is long and sad. Our society values youth and YOLO, over wisdom and wrinkles.
So when medical experts determined that our elders had the highest rates of serious illness and death if they contracted COVID— it’s our seniors, our elders, who faced the biggest threat. Unlike polio, measles, mumps etc. which once killed and debilitated millions of children, COVID is most deadly to older people.
But amazingly, our elders were psychologically much more resilient to the lockdowns and the inconveniences. Our seniors took in stride the new reality much, much better than young people. Why? Because of the wisdom of their years, they are tougher and wiser than younger generations.
While they needed help and assistance getting supplies, and thank Gd many stepped up to help, they as a group taught us a lot of about how to survive tough times. Younger generations just don’t have the wisdom of experience.
Parents today are understandably frustrated by the upending of the world they knew by the pandemic, including school closures, mask mandates, layoffs, and shortages. Parents are rightly concerned about the impact on the education and mental health of their kids. But to say it’s destroying a generation belies the ignorance of youth. Children who have been through much worse, have amazing futures. Our children will recover.
Don’t miss the most valuable lessons
However, if parents look at this era of challenges in terms of how its inconveniencing and upending their plans, or how it’s “not fair” to their children— they are missing some of the most valuable lessons this horrible pandemic is teaching.
1. We are interdependent, interconnected, and part of a society of humankind.
2. One of the most important things we can do in our lives is help others.
3. We must protect and revere our elders for without them we would not exist, and they have the wisdom we need.
So rather than be angry as those who responded so negatively about my Tweet, parents can use this COVID time as a great learning experience which will benefit them, their children, our country, and the world. Rather than focusing on what they have to do, or cannot do, parents can focus on all the opportunities to do GOOD that this pandemic has created.
Use COVID as a time to teach your children at a young age that they can do things to honor the elderly and assist those with health issues, not just now by taking precautions against spreading disease, but in the future when WE OURSELVES ARE OLD.
Teach your children we do not have to fend for ourselves as wild beasts, but that we need to value each and every one of God’s creations, including those who are ill or have disabilities.
We can use this pandemic to teach them the value of life, and that we forgo everything that is possible to save someone. That caring for others is a good thing, not an inconvenience or “time-suck” — but a mitzvah.
We teach them that only by people working together can we hope to solve some of the toughest challenges we face — just like the teams of scientists and researchers over the last two decades laid the groundwork for the vaccine which has saved millions of lives.
Shabbat Shalom / Good Shabbos